Author's Note: Be aware, this chapter contains violence and potentially disturbing content and imagery.

Want what the wolf wants.

It was a simple enough principle, and Remus supposed that if one's human interests were served by death and terror, it would be extremely simple to implement. Just decide where to unleash the wolf, get there, and let thought and instinct merge.

If, on the other hand, a person wanted to not hunt down campers in the forest or brutalize smaller wolves, the philosophy presented something of a difficulty.

"See, that's your problem," Greyback had said during their first week of lessons, without needing to hear Remus mention any of his concerns about this. "You've got it in your skull that you want to not be what you are. What does the wolf want?"

"To kill," Remus said impatiently, not wanting to go through what Greyback undoubtedly thought would be a humiliating ritual to force him to admit it. "To bite. Tear. Destroy things."

Greyback backhanded him across the shed, and before Remus could catch his balance, knocked him to the floor and planted a knee on his chest. "You say it," he said. "you don't want it."

Remus reached up and grabbed Greyback by the throat. "Don't I?"

"I'd be dead if you did. But there's something else you want."

Remus thought briefly of the females, of the smell of them just before they left, and he shoved Greyback aside, annoyed with himself.

Greyback laughed merrily. "Yes, there's that, but that's not what I meant."

"How do you know what I was thinking?"

"You think you're hard to read, don't you? A right mystery. But I know who you are. I've had your blood in my mouth, and I know you. No one knows you better."

You know nothing, Remus thought, but it was a lie. "What do I want, then, if you know so much?"

"Why, the pack!" Greyback said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You know it. You want your brothers around you. You want to know where you belong. You want to take your place... and stay in it."

Remus clenched his jaw against saying anything, not because Greyback was right (he was, to a point), but because there was more to it, more that he didn't want Greyback to intuit. It should have been obvious, but Greyback's grandiose wolfish ego apparently didn't allow him to actually acknowledge what his paranoia told him so clearly as a human.

Transformed, Remus didn't want to take his place and stay in it, not for long anyway, not once he knew what he needed to know.

The wolf wanted the pack. But the place he wanted in it wasn't the place Greyback wanted him to have. He had only the vaguest idea of what his place was now--below Greyback, certainly, and below a few of the other men. Above Alderman and the pups. But last month, someone had challenged him in earnest, and that meant that he wasn't thought to be at the bottom of the social order. How far was he from Alpha? He didn't know. That was information he needed to have.

The wolf wanted to challenge Greyback.

Not yet.

But soon.

And that, Remus thought he might be able to use, if he could just master the most basic levels of control.

Could he take the pack from Greyback without becoming Greyback? And if he could, what on Earth would he do with them?

That was the question.

There was no time for a pre-transformation visit to Molly this month; Greyback or the pups had been almost constantly present over the past week, and now, while Greyback was off collecting prey for the pups in the cave tonight, Remus had other matters to attend to.

He'd found the Muggle forest wardens' office by accident while gathering berries. It stood on a cleared patch of land with a large car park nearby, and a road led in to the camp sites. The car park itself was nearly empty now, but "nearly" wasn't good enough.

You could end up getting your packmates injured.

He shook his head. It was a chance he had to take.

He took a deep breath, then ran full out at the door, so he would be breathing hard and panting by the time he got there.

"Dogs," he gasped, as he ran inside and leaned over the desk.

A pretty young woman in a uniform stood up slowly. "Are you hurt?"

"No," Remus said. "No, I'm not. I got away."

"Away?"

"Dogs," he said again. "A whole pack. Chased me. They're near the campsites."

"Oh, not again!" she exclaimed. "Are you certain you're all right? Do you need a doctor?"

"No. I'm fine. I ran. I got away cleanly."

Apparently mollified by this, the woman just shook her head. "Last month, they chased a pair of tourists from France. We couldn't find a sign of them in the morning. I thought they'd gone. I suppose not. I guess I've lost a bet with Jones."

"They're not gone," Remus said.

"It's a full moon again," the woman said with a grin. "Maybe they're werewolves." She laughed at the notion.

"Whatever they are, I think you should get the campers out of there. They seemed dangerous."

"There's hardly anyone here this late--just some American tourists who were bragging about camping in Canada in the winter for some mad reason--and I can call in some help to keep watch..." With a perfectly breathtaking lack of concern, she pulled out few sheets of paper as she rambled on. "Could you fill out a report on the incident?"

"I really--"

"We need to know the details. If we do have a pack of feral dogs, we'll need to know everything there is to know about them." She left Remus with the blank report and returned to her desk, where she began to make telephone calls. By the time he'd finished filling it out--fabricating from beginning to end--her face was more drawn. "They can't send back-up tonight," she said. "Too late in the day, and no one is available. They're sending in a team tomorrow to try and track down their den. I'm to suggest that the few campers we have move elsewhere. I should go to the campsites. Thank you for reporting this." She took the report with no fuss and dropped it into a wire basket as she got the keys to her car. "I have to lock up. Are you absolutely certain you don't need medical attention?"

"Quite certain. I do need to get back to my family. They're expecting me for dinner."

She smiled and gave a patently phony sigh. "Oh, dear. The handsome ones always have families already."

"Er... yes. Quite. And they're waiting."

"Don't worry, I've got one, too. You just looked like you could use a bit of a flirt for fun." She laughed. "I should go get our intrepid adventurers out. They'll take some convincing, I think."

Greatly relieved, Remus went back out into the open air, and as soon as her car disappeared down the road to the campsites, he slipped back into the forest.

"Interesting visit?"

He stopped and turned, not bothering with doubt. His nerve endings knew. "Greyback."

Greyback stepped out from the shadows. "You weren't in your place when I got back to it. Wondered where you'd got off to. So we came to get you." He pointed around himself, and Remus could see others lurking in the bushes, their eyes glinting in the mid-morning sunshine. "What could you be doing?"

"I thought they might have a map," Remus said, but not a single one of the others seemed to even consider this lie. "All right. I wanted to get the campers away. Are you more satisfied with that answer?"

"Satisfied that it's true, anyway," Greyback grunted. "I sometimes think you're not with us."

"Where else would I be? I have nowhere else to go."

"Should've kept that in mind," another low voice said from the bushes. "Before you started getting uppity."

The pack started to move in, but Greyback raised a hand. "Don't touch him," he said. "Lupin just needs another lesson. Only I think the pups are better suited to give it to him this time."

In the back, there was surly grumbling, but no argument.

The men manhandled him back to the clearing where the werewolves were starting to gather, and they were none too gentle about it. By the time he got there, his hands and arms had been scraped badly on brambles, and when one of them shoved him forward, he lost his balance and fell, catching himself on his bloody palms.

Sweet ran over to him. "Remus! What happened?"

"Lessons," Greyback grumbled. "Do you need one, Sweets?"

She shook her head and ran back to the girls.

The gathering was long and tedious--none of the adults spoke to Remus, and the children seemed afraid to come close today. Alderman waited for Greyback's back to be turned and slipped Remus some of the meat that had been caught (he hadn't been allowed near it earlier), and Sweet jerked her chin defiantly and started to come over and try to dress his scratches (only to be pulled away by Mina, who gave a frightened-looking glance at Greyback), but that was his only contact with them. Greyback gave another speech about Voldemort, taking special care to extol the virtues of being allowed to hunt as they were intended to by nature. "Is it a fair decree that we aren't allowed to hunt or create more of our own kind? Who else do they force this on? No one! Of all the magical creatures of the world, only werewolves are forbidden to breed in our manner."

Sweet muttered something--she was close enough that Remus thought he caught the word "human"--but lied when Greyback demanded to know what she said, saying only that she thought it wasn't at all fair. She looked at her toes until it was time to leave with the women and girls, casting one worried glance back at Remus.

"Pups," Greyback said to the boys, "Lupin will be with you again."

Blondin let out a cheer, but then noticed that Greyback wasn't smiling and lapsed into silence.

"Go on to the cave," Greyback said. "We'll be along shortly. Lupin is to have nothing to eat when he gets there."

Hamilton frowned heavily and Blondin balled his fists, but they gave no argument. They headed for the cave.

Greyback nodded to the other men, and then the world was fists and feet, and Remus was driven to his knees, his shirt pulled away from him. Greyback crouched in front of him, then grabbed him forward and drove his sharpened teeth into the flesh of Remus's shoulder, near the still healing mark from August. He pulled away, blood dripping from his mouth and from the wound. It spilled down Remus's chest in warm rivulets.

"Take him to the pups," Greyback said, and absently licked some of Remus's blood from his fingers. "And don't let him wash up."

The men called Jamison and Stanfield and grabbed him under his arms and dragged him off toward the cave. He looked over his shoulder and saw Greyback watching, a coiled shadow among the remaining men.

The light had a distinct reddish glow when they reached the cave, and Jamison tugged Remus ahead. "Sorry, mate," he said.

"I'm not." Stanfield kicked Remus. "Who do you think you are?"

"They're human," Remus whispered.

"What's your point?" Stanfield stormed out.

Jamison stayed back. "You... you aren't to wash up."

"Right. Smelling of human blood in a cave full of werewolf cubs."

"You shouldn't cross Greyback."

"How long have you been here, Jamison?"

He took a few steps back. "I'll see you in the morning."

Remus took a few deep breaths. The light was cut off as Stanfield and Jamison blocked the exit with large, heavy rocks.

He pulled himself to his feet, using the wall for balance, feeling woozy from the beating and the blood loss. If he could make it to the lake, he thought that would be enough. Transforming in water would be unusual and he wasn't at all sure he'd be able to swim as a wolf, but--

He didn't hear the shuffling of feet, and nearly walked into the shockingly cold ball of wet cloth.

"Ugh, Lupin?"

"Blondin?"

"Yeah. It's me and Hamilton and some of the others. Come on." A small hand grabbed his wrist and pulled him along to a more open part of the cave, where they'd set a torch going. They were near the lake now. The boys were tense, waiting for moonrise. Each held his clothes, which were, for some reason, dripping wet.

Hamilton thrust his soaking shirt against Remus's shoulder, and the water spilled through the tacky blood from Greyback's bite. Remus looked at him questioningly.

"Well, wash then," Hamilton said. "I reckon I'd like to read that stupid book we started. And leave those clothes somewhere else, or they probably won't add up to much in the morning."

"Boys, Greyback..."

"What's he going to do?" Blondin asked. "Turn us into werewolves? Scaaary."

"He could hurt you."

Blondin shrugged and brought his own shirt over and started to clean the blood from Remus's back.

"I won't let you--"

There was a sharp kick against his side, and he turned to see Hamilton. "Yeah?" Hamilton said. "Stop us, then."

"Besides," Blondin said. "We'll just say you were unconscious, and all he told us was to not feed you. We can't very well follow orders we don't know about, now can we?"

Remus took the cloth from Blondin. "He'll know, Blondin. I don't know how he'll know, but he will. You stay back."

"We were talking. We don't want to attack you."

"Is there an island in the lake? Or even a big enough rock to lie down on?"

"Sure," Blondin said. "But you can't see the moon. Greyback says changing can kill you if you don't look at the moon right away."

"It's a lie. It hurts more, but you can put it off."

"Are you sure?"

"I've done it many times." And usually ended up sorry for it, he didn't add. "I'll tell Greyback I stole your clothes to clean up with if he notices."

"Only..." Blondin bit his lip. "If it takes you longer, won't you still be human when we turn?"

"I'll also be in the middle of the lake."

They looked unsure, but Hamilton eventually gave in and pointed to a shadowy rock formation, far in the water. It looked steep and uncomfortable.

Remus turned to them. "Thank you," he said uncomfortably. "I shouldn't have allowed you to be put in this position. I... thank you."

"What position?" Blondin asked. "You just stole our clothes and swam out to the rocks."

Remus smiled. Blondin would have made a perfect Slytherin, if it weren't for the fact that he was a Muggle.

He jumped into the lake--which was excruciatingly cold on his bare skin--and swam for the rocks. When he got there, he pulled off his soaking trousers and pants and used them to at least try to clean his various wounds. They were still open and the smell of blood would still be on him. Far in the distance, he could see the boys walking away, going to the open area where they could see the moon when it came.

He braced himself.

For nearly twenty minutes, there was nothing but an ill-defined urge to look up, and the coiled tension in his muscles that had been slowly building all day. He could hear the boys' voices, still human, bouncing incoherently around the water and rock.

Then there was a scream.

It echoed, and Remus climbed further up onto the rock, ignoring the first cramp to rip through him. Another scream joined the first, and the eerie sound of it echoed through his mind. The need to see the moon was maddening, and the next cramp bent him double on his perch. He lost his balance on the third one, twisting his ankle and sending himself into the water. He clawed his way back up.

The screams broke into howls.

Remus willed the change to come, but it didn't.

More howling.

He saw the first of the wolves at the edge of the lake, crouched on his haunches, searching for the prey animals Greyback had released into the cave earlier, sniffing. It paused at an indistinct spot where Remus realized that he'd left his bloody shirt, and let out an ear-splitting howl. There was a flurry of paws, and then they were all there, the pack of them, at the edge of the water, tearing at the shirt.

Another vicious spasm wracked through Remus's body. He screamed.

Whichever of the pups was Alpha here--he was willing to guess it was Blondin, but wasn't certain--lifted his head and let out four sharp barks. The others looked up.

Alpha jumped into the water, then scrambled back out of it, Remus guessed because of the cold, and it would have been funny in other circumstances, but he found it hard to be amused as his body twisted and writhed toward a moon he couldn't see, but which was so tantalizingly close that he could see its light reflected at the far end of the lake... and of course, it was difficult to be amused while being hunted by six werewolves. The night Greyback had first attacked him came into his mind powerfully--alone in the garden, the great wolf leaping from the shadows, and he had looked up then, and the moon had become blood, and he saw it in his mind's eye again and

at last the change takes him. It takes him with a fire it has not had for many years, with agony, almost vindictive in its enforcement of the curse.

He must eat. He must. He leaps from the rock, following the scent of it, ignoring the spinning in his head, ignoring the smell of true prey on his skin. He loses his way as a current pulls him, but he can hear howling and yipping now and he swims toward it, fighting with the cold water, finally dragging himself on his belly onto the dry land. Alpha stands above him and the blow that drives him to one side is in earnest.

The wolf gets to his feet and takes a step toward Alpha, but he is put down again, and he knows... oh, yes, he knows his place, he knows where he belongs, and knowing is a good thing, the best of things. He crawls on his belly again and licks Alpha's foot.

After, he sleeps, and there is no pain, and with sunrise

he awakened with barely a stray cramp as his body rearranged itself on the lake shore. The men were gathered around, the pups were further back. Everyone else seemed to have transformed back before he did this morning.

"Feeling better?" Greyback asked, smiling in a perfectly friendly way.

"Yes, actually."

"Funny how that happens when you get a bite to eat."

Remus tried to remember the transformation, but it was murky. "Thank you for bringing me something," he said.

"Oh, my pleasure." There was something sneering in Greyback's voice, and if there was a moment the morning's panic began, that was it. The sneer in his voice.

"I stole the children's clothes to clean up with. I know you told me not to, but--"

Greyback laughed heartily. "Oh, I expected you to do that. I reckon they probably helped you, but I'm not fussed about it, really. I think you'll have learned your lesson right enough without any little love nips."

"Greyback--"

Greyback tossed him a set of robes. "Here," he said. "Your clothes are a bit tore up. Have mine. I'll get some others. Thought I'd spend some time down here anyway. You should go back to your place, get some rest."

Great braying alarms were going off in Remus's skull now, and the last thing he wanted was to go back to his shed... or even to leave the cave. He didn't want to leave the cave at all.

Stanfield was smirking. "Go on," he said. "We're all square now."

"But..."

"You've had your lesson, Professor," Greyback said. "We start back at the beginning after this. No hard feelings."

Remus backed past them, not trusting them, and finally turned and ran when he cleared the last of them. He stumbled up through the cave and tripped out into the sunlight, almost landing on top of something red and glistening.

They'd left enough of her face intact that he could recognize her as the forest warden he'd spoken to yesterday.

Behind him, Greyback started laughing.

Remus had only the vaguest consciousness of running, of lurching away from the mouth of the cave, Greyback's obscene laughter chasing after him, somehow--impossibly--growing louder the further he went from it. Branches and brambles scratched at him, and at one point he tripped over a rock and went flying down the path, landing in a patch of dead bluebells on the shore of a pond. He rolled over and lay on his back, his arm over his eyes, shaking. He was surely too far away to hear the laughter anymore, but he could hear it nonetheless.

"Remus?"

He sat and scrambled backward, ignoring the little pebbles digging into his hands.

"Remus, what is it?"

He looked up and saw a small figure, human. He looked away.

"What did Greyback do to you?"

He shook his head and kept pulling himself away. His back hit a wooden post on a dilapidated gate that stood pointlessly among the trees.

"Mag!" the voice called, and his mind finally came up with Sweet's name. "Mag! Come here!"

There were more footsteps, and then a quiet and firm voice said, "Go inside, Sweet. Now."

"But--"

"Right now."

Fingers, pincer sharp, dug into his chin, pushing harder until he opened his eyes, which he hadn't realized were closed.

Old Mag was crouched in front of him, her face drawn and pale. "Get yourself together, Lupin," she said. "Whatever Greyback did, he wouldn't have done if he didn't think you were formidable."

Remus laughed, a high, hysterical sound.

"I know he's got a right nasty bag of tricks, and I don't care. The pups have got to like you, and you'll scare them like this."

"Can't," Remus managed to say. "Shouldn't like me."

"Nevertheless," Mag said inexorably, forcing his face back around as he tried to look away from her. "Get hold of yourself. Slow breaths."

Remus realized he was panting, but he couldn't slow down, try as he might. He reached around the fence post and touched the gate. It thrummed with some kind of arcane message, or maybe it was just the trembling of all of his muscles. His head spun, and he knew he was going to vomit just in time to tear himself away from Mag's clutch and bend toward the ground. The unspeakable contents of his stomach steamed up at him accusingly and he rolled away from them and looked up at the sky, the trembling slowing minutely.

"What have I done?" he asked no one.

"Rumor has it," Mag said matter-of-factly, "that you crossed Greyback and got some people out of trouble yesterday."

"Not all. Shouldn't have tried. They'd have just chased, like before. They--"

"They catch from time to time. They're not playing at it, as you well know."

"But--"

"Greyback brought us some as well. Mostly to Mina. She won."

Remus shook his head in negation.

"He doesn't give it to the pups. They have to join the hunt first."

"But..."

"You know what we are, Remus."

"Cannibals."

"Werewolves." She forced him to look at her again. "We're not animagi. You're not a human when you turn. It's not cannibalism. And you can't control it."

"Greyback--"

"Greyback is always a wolf these days. Of course he acts like he can control it. But even he couldn't, not really. He doesn't exactly go visit those political friends of his when the moon is full, now does he? They know better than to have him near them, though I think he sometimes visits folks they know. He says that he just likes to be here and he could control it, but it's codswallop. He'd kill them as easily as he kills anyone else, because that's what the moon wants of him. Deep breaths."

Remus had stopped panting, but his breathing was still quick and shallow. He swallowed hard and forced a deep breath. It seemed to take a lot of energy.

Mag just waited until he'd managed a few more breaths, and then looked around anxiously. "You need to not be in this place when Greyback gets here," she said. "You shouldn't know where it is."

"I don't know where it is. I don't know where I am."

"Just go deeper into the woods. Is your head straight enough to keep moving in a single direction?"

He nodded. "I think..."

"Just keep going. You'll hit the river eventually; you have to. Follow it until it lets you into town, and you can find your way back where you belong from there."

"Right. Mag, I--"

"Get out of here before you scare anyone else." She helped him to his feet. He felt shaky. "The town is Huntsford. If you need someone to talk to, remember that Father Montgomery knows."

"No."

She sighed, and led him to the edge of the trees. "I'll go back and make sure Sweet hasn't told anyone you were here, and get her to keep her mouth shut about it. You go somewhere and collect yourself."

He took a few hesitant steps, putting his hands on trees for support, and when he looked back over his shoulder, the gate was by itself in the small clearing. Mag had disappeared.

At first he meant to follow Mag's advice and look for the river, and go to town, and come back to his shed. But his mind was scrambling for purchase, and it had landed on the thought of Moody coming to look for him, to find out why he was late for a check in. He had to go to Molly's. Put on a solid, respectable face, get in and out, and then come back. Quickly. Before she called Dora.

Unless Dora was already there, expecting him to check in, wanting to see and touch him, and he couldn't stand it if she touched him now, he might go mad, he would smell her blood and see her lying at the mouth of the cave, and he had no right to her, and she had no business...

His breathing had quickened, and he forced it to slow down again.

Whatever else he did, he had to check in at Molly's. Once it was over, he could sleep and forget until he woke up again.

He Apparated out.

The Burrow smelled of a heavy Saturday morning breakfast, and Remus fought with his gorge as he struggled to the back door, kicking aside a battered cauldron as the door opened, and Molly said, "Oh, good! I was just starting to wonder when you--Remus!"

The world grayed out, and when it came back, he was lying on a soft bed in one of the upstairs rooms at the Burrow, and Molly was piling blankets onto him.

"You're awake?"

"I need to go back."

"I don't think so."

He tried to get out of bed, but his legs didn't want to hold him up, and he slumped back down to the mattress.

"I'm calling Tonks."

"Molly, no! God, no! Please, no. Please. I'm begging you. God, don't tell Dora. Don't tell her. Please. I don't want her to see me."

Molly hesitated. "You really mean it this time."

"I've never meant anything more."

"Let me get you some breakfast, then."

"I'm not hungry," Remus said, his stomach clenching. "I've had... enough to eat."

"What can I do?"

I just need to go back was what he meant to say. I have no news, so let me be. Instead, he said, "Dumbledore."

"All right," she said. "You rest. I mean it."

"Molly--"

She raised her wand, and a moment later he was asleep.

It was dark beyond the window when another spell awakened him. Albus Dumbledore was sitting at his bedside, putting his wand away. "Remus," he said. "Are you well?"

Remus shook his head and pulled himself up to a sitting position. He was still wearing Greyback's robes.

"Tell me what happened."

Remus told him, as well as he could remember, from his grandiose fantasy of challenging Greyback to the morning's horror. He concentrated on keeping his voice even. When he finished, he lay back among the pillows.

Dumbledore took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes with his good hand, then went to the window. "I won't ask you to go back," he said. "I apologize. I should have realized where Greyback's interest in you would lead. The child who was taken back from him. He wants to reclaim you. I should have foreseen it."

"He's doing a good job."

"No, he's not." Dumbledore returned to his chair and sat down, putting his glasses back on. "He was reduced to trickery. He undoubtedly would have preferred that you participated in the hunt--"

"It doesn't matter."

"--but you made your position quite clear--"

"It doesn't matter."

Dumbledore nodded. "I won't argue with you. We'll find other work for you. I daresay Greyback's association with Voldemort is--"

"Significant. They've met with one another. Greyback comes back from his 'political friends' with enough vile lies to go on for hours. He's in there with them. Maybe not directly with Voldemort--I can't be sure--but he's tied to high level Death Eaters."

"And he is bringing his pack with him."

"He's certainly trying."

"What is your impression of them?"

"Us."

"What?"

"Not them. Us. They love him. They'll follow him. The adults anyway. Except one woman. The children don't know anything else."

"Didn't."

"What?"

"They didn't. From the story you told me, they clearly know something else now."

"I'm no different. Not anymore. I am what they are. I... ate."

"You're not going back. I want you to speak to Ted Tonks for as long as he deems it necessary--"

"I'm not going to Ted."

"I suppose it could be somewhat awkward." Dumbledore sighed. "You've done enough for the Order. Stay here and let Molly cook for you for a few days, and Nymphadora--"

"No."

Dumbledore looked at him steadily. "Very well, Remus. Molly will certainly encourage you to see her--and I think it would do you a world of good--but this is not a matter in which I feel I should interfere. You must choose your own path."

"There is no choice."

Another narrow look. "We will, in any case, find another approach to Greyback."

"There is no other approach."

"Remus..."

"I'm going back, Albus." He laughed again, somewhat wildly. "I belong there now, don't I? Just one of the pack."

Dumbledore put a hand on his shoulder. "If you are just one of the pack," he said, "then I wouldn't mind having the pack around in its entirety, as its sole representative is a stellar recommendation of it."

Remus shook his head.

"You're a good man," Dumbledore said. "Nothing Greyback has done to you in the past, nothing he has done to you today, has changed that." He stood to leave.

"I'm going back."

Dumbledore turned. "I beg your pardon?"

"I'm going back," Remus muttered. "Let me be. I'm going back."